threescore

I didn’t have to worry really - the service went ok this morning. I finished preparing at midnight (or 1:00?), and fed Lily at 1:00 (or 2:00?) and got up again a few hours later. Next time I preach I’ll remember not to have a baby 4 months beforehand.

In regional news, a team of rowers from a local university came second in a tournament in London. Well done, boys!

I am preaching on Sunday about worry, from a passage which claims that the lilies of the field do not labour or spin.

Here is my dramatic spin on it.

Jobcentre employee

Red, a carnation

Red is sitting in a vase on a table. The Jobcentre employee arrives with a clipboard and glasses on. Throughout she emphasizes the syllables in bold, fiddles with a pen and gestures with both hands on the nouns. She is slightly nasal.

She shakes a leaf with the flower.

J:          Hello? Hello, are you here for the 11:00 appointment? Pleased to meet you. So, you are [looking at notes] Red. May I call you Red?

R:         [silent]

J:          Good. My name is Bredwina [adjusts glasses] and I’ll be your employment advisory consultant today. We usually start with a quick interview to ascertain your [“”] skills-and-qualifications and to really just see what kind of position you are looking for.

R:         [silent]

J:          Ok. So, I see from your CV that you have experience in the field. What field, can I ask, have you got experience in? [peers at Red]

R:         [silent]

J:          And is that local? [pretends to write on clipboard]

R:         [silent]

J:          Yes. And would you be able to get references?

R:         [silent]

J:          Now I need to know, have you got any transferable [“”] skills-and-qualifications which we can write on the next part of the application form, anything at all Red? Any experience with people? Telephone skills? Using computers? Management? [pause] None of those? Ok.

R:         [silent]

J:          Would you say, that you have any work-related, transferable, national or vocational, educational, informational or qualificational skills at all at this present moment in time? [pause] You don’t. That means we skip [turns pages] section 3b, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and up to 17 and jump to section 18a. [calls] Code 18a!

R:         [silent]

J:          So, Red, what kind of position are you looking for?

R:         [silent]

J:          Mmm, mmm, mmm. [ticking boxes] And would you say that you are free to begin employment as of Monday? [looks up] You would. And do you have a licence for Heavy Goods Vehicles? [looks up] You don’t. And are you prepared to work shifts? [looks up] No. Ok. Let me just bring up the positions available today on the computer screen. Let’s see. [taps] No. No. No. No. Can you travel any distance from home? No.

R:         [silent]

J:          Well, I have to say Red, that we don’t seem to have anything that is cut out for you today. I believe that we will have more positions in chimney sweeping in the near future so if you would like to keep in touch with the office here, you know where we are. Thank you Red. [calls] Next!

 NOTHING is so beautiful as spring—

 When weeds, in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush;

 Thrush’s eggs look little low heavens, and thrush

Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring

 The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing;

  The glassy peartree leaves and blooms, they brush

  The descending blue; that blue is all in a rush

 With richness; the racing lambs too have fair their fling.

What is all this juice and all this joy?

 A strain of the earth’s sweet being in the beginning

In Eden garden.—Have, get, before it cloy,

 Before it cloud, Christ, lord, and sour with sinning,

Innocent mind and Mayday in girl and boy,

Most, O maid’s child, thy choice and worthy the winning.

This was on the radio earlier today and because I like GMH and because I like Spring and because I am supposed to be writing a sermon and not doing this, here it is.

Since dad’s heart attack I have been quietly concerned about health in general. I do not believe in giving up chocolate for Lent, but often observe dad’s tradition of no pancakes after Shrove Tuesday. It’s fair. I am also doing a lot more exercise than I ever believed I could, but not in a lycra or gym-pass kind of way. Babies in slings are much happier and stranger-friendly than carrying extra weight by other methods.

So the local NCT group are holding a couple of sessions on baby first aid and emergency life support. Sounds like a good idea. I have run out of stamps and envelopes so I meant to apply later today. At £25 a time it meant that I wouldn’t be able to go to as many local courses on other baby-enhancing activities, but it was a sacrifice I was prepared to make. I don’t really need the biscuits.

Today I discovered three free sessions of baby first aid running in my area. Maybe I should do those instead. Then maybe we should apply to do Baby Astronomy with all the other little stars, even though it is way past Lily’s bedtime. (She has no other free time left on her social calendar.)

And in any case, I am signing up for the Race with a Baby in a Sling for Life very soon. Just need to collect more data from the girls in my NCT ante-natal group before we can apply.

If you are reading this Lily, your mummy is quite surprised. You are behaving so much better today, thank you. Too bad we’re not in public. That nasty cold must have gone away again. It’s a shame about the nappy smell, but we’ll deal with that imminently.

I don’t think the biometric detailing on your new passport measures smell (yet). Let’s leave that to the animals. 

Maybe we should get a cat… I would like to personally thank Charlie for his services at mum and dad’s (see today’s BBC article about health).

But I know even less about bringing up a cat than I do about bringing up a baby. And I’m pretty sure they don’t have passports in the UK (yet).

What’s that? Yawning while mummy types with one hand? Litter tray time.

in all their various forms.

I let a driver pull out in front of me because he and his passenger both wore baseball caps.

Let me quote a wise uncle of mine on the matter:

So, Happy International Pi Day (at last!)

Personally I’d prefer to call it ‘Put a Dog in your Car’ day, as I have seen three so far. And instead of March, I think ‘Wear a Hat While you Drive’ is more accurate.

Don’t get me started on drivers wearing hats. It is dad’s philosophy, and surprisingly accurate. It is not a Good Thing. Do you need to wear a hat in a car? Really?

3.14thly, dad is doing a course today on Mediterranean Fish Cookery which we bought him for his 60th and which he was not able to do until now. Results to follow, but I’m hoping he is going to show us all how it is done.

Odd socks do work - if you are a physiotherapist. If you are a baby it makes your mum look incompetent or foolish.

But if you are a baby with two socks on at this moment I applaud you.

And if you are a baby with two socks on and you are reading this I think your mum should stop lying.

I got a nice letter through the post today from my headmaster, which was rather quick considering I only resigned yesterday. Nice to feel the school cares. I noticed that the letterhead had changed. That was quick too.

Here are some other true observations I made today.

1. At the post office, waiting for Lily’s passport to be ‘check-and-send’ed and a parcel for Germany to be just weighed, I saw DVDs for learning foreign languages. Not a surprise: mum pointed them out to me the other week. One is for learning English. Every word on it, including complicated blurb and instructions for how to get the DVD were in English. I think you had to swear allegiance to the Beckhams and Gladiators and soggy chips in triplicate with valid ID before you were allowed to buy it.

2. Looking for a new buggy (or stroller, as I have to call it at Mothercare), I have found ones that suit from age 0 to age 5, and are guaranteed for 12 months. I do not intend to have children of the accelerated variety, so we may just have to take the chance on the remaining years.

3. Lily has something snuffly and is grizzling a lot and losing sleep, so I bought her a baby vaporub, which smells of a comfortable night’s sleep and says on the side that it must not be used if the baby is allergic to any of the ingredients or is under 3 months old. Neither must the parents use it if any of the above applies to them. Thankfully I too am over 3 months old. That was a close one.

was that I handed in my notice. We had to wait for some answers to technical questions and be certain that it was best to resign now, but it gives the school the longest possible time to try and find a maths teacher for September. Five and a half months - I hope it gives them long enough. (It’s longer than Lily has been alive).

I am filling in an application for a job as a home tutor for the local education area, so we will wait and see what comes.

There is a weird technicality about whether I can keep some of my maternity pay (the occupational maternity part). I would need to work 30 more days after the date I am due to leave, for the same employer. This is possible, but unlikely. I am hoping to do a day a week. The work has to be continuous and tutors work on a casual basis. I could miss a session through lack of work on the 29th week and lose quite a lot of money.

But I definitely am not staying at the school, even though I would have loved to. They genuinely cannot offer me a day a week.

And maybe it is time for new things.

I also filled in a new CRB form today to work in the church creche and sorted out Lily’s passport application. I am hoping to arrange her nursery application soon: there has been a lot of form-filling and finding of important documents at our house this week.